Once A Winner, Always A Winner?
Lately the topic of ‘teaching our kids that everyone wins in life’ is popping up everywhere. I’ve seen it on The View, The Today Show and The Early Show, just to name a few.
Many believe that handing out trophies to every child on a soccer team instills self confidence in them. Score shouldn’t be kept. Everyone is a winner! That every piece of artwork, no matter how good or bad, should be praised as if it were a masterpiece.
On the other hand, it seems as if just as many believe the opposite, that those children are just being set up for failure because not everyone wins in life. I happen to be one of those people. I personally think that telling children that they played ‘equally as good’ as the other team and/or players, is flat out lying to them. If they didn’t play as well, that’s okay. I will praise their effort, and hope they will strive to do better … but fact of the matter is … they didn’t win. They weren’t the best. So why should they be told they were.
If everyone is praised and rewarded the same, wouldn’t you think kids will quit trying as hard to do their very best? Will they just sit back and skate by … knowing their reward will be the same as the kid who worked his tail off?
Many people disagree with me and feel that if every child is pointed out as being a winner, it will build the self confidence that will help them later in life. That in order for them to grow into productive adults, their self esteem must be instilled in them at an early age.
What’s your take?
Should every kid take home that soccer trophy?
This is a topic that bothered me A LOT since the days when I first found out about all kids getting a trophy, score not being kept and the grading scale/report cards being altered to always be upbeat and positive.
And now, as a parent to a toddler, it still bothers me. Part of succeeding in life is learning from mistakes and failures. Not always winning helps a child develop coping skills and determination to do better the next time.
Should a child be yelled at for not winning? No. A child should receive praise for the areas in which he/she did well and then coaching on how they can improve the rest of their game to do better.
To me, giving every kid a trophy creates bigger problems later on. I have seen studies in the past, supporting this opinion (and I can’t, for the life of me, find a few of the stories/studies I’ve read), where kids who are constantly rewarded become young adults that feel entitled to everything – without putting forth much effort.
I have a difficult time with “participation trophies”. A ribbon… Sure. But a full on trophy… Nope. Not only will kids begin expecting to be rewarded for merely average performance the children who truly excelled will see that their efforts are no better, so why bother?
We all want our kids to feel good about themselves. But instead of giving them an award for mediocre performance in something why not have them do something they truly excel at?
Oh this is a hot button topic. I agree with you, if my child wants a trophy they need to work just that much harder to be the best. Yes, not every child can do that, but they do acheive in other areas. I, like Jody, don’t mind the ribbons for participation, but not a trophy.
I am working so hard to teach my kids that they have to earn rewards, they are not handed out to you. This is another reward that they need to earn.
See… when I read this I instantly thought of that guy with that HUGE church in Texas that believes you can have ‘your best life now’! oh who is he?? Joel Osteen! That’s right, him! He tells people all the feel good stuff and leaves out all the pain and torture parts.. HELLO!!! This is just part of life, not everything is pretty pink and trophies! and what more is that Americans aren’t suceeding at anything! oh wait.. besides Obama for his damn nobel peace prize.. let’s not forget about that! and sports.. yeah because that’s where people get jobs to pay for the food on the table. grrrr ok.. maybe I’m going a little overboard, but still no I don’t think that kids should get trophies for everything they do. and I’m sure I’m wrong about the “americans aren’t succeeding at anything”.. we must be doing something right? Right?